How to Forgive by Phil Walmsley - Author of 101 Insights

"Hating someone is drinking poison and expecting the other person to die from it."

Many of us have had some nasty life experiences that have left us mentally, physcially and emotinally scarred. I find it quite unbelievable how cruel people can be to one another. I also find it difficult to believe how cruel people are to themselves. 

Forgiving has to be one of the most powerful choices one can make.  The choice to forgive another or yourself is a huge step in one's personal and spiritual growth.  The choice to let go of the hate, the anger and the pain that lives within is life changing.   If you want your soul to be free, if you want more happiness, if you want to feel lighter, if you want more love, then forgiveness of others AND self is necessary.

I am often asked. "How do I forgive"?   People  believe there is a formula, some sort of step by step process  to go through in order to forgive another.   Yes, there is a process and just completing a mental exercise will not set you free, no more than reading a book on how to fly an airplane will make you a pilot.

Forgiving is heart felt. Forgiving should be a verb. It is something that you take action on. It is something you do. Forgiveness is an emotional release and cannot  be completed  by a simple mental process.  The hurts and the pain that is deeply embedded in us needs to be purged.  For the release to be complete it must be felt on an emotional (heart) level.

Let's talk about what forgiveness is and what forgiveness is not.

• Forgiving a person does not mean that you accept  or condone what was done to you as OK.  It does not negate the fact that what was done to you happened. 

• Forgiving a person does not mean that you are giving      them permission  to do repeat their behaviour.

• You do not need to know why they did what they did. They did what they did and it is done. Going into details  of why will not lessen the pain of what they did. 

• Sometimes people  who have casued you pain are unaware that they casued you pain. 

• To choose not to forgive because you want to make sure  you remember it so it will never happen again is a lie.  Be honest, there is no chance you will ever forget even if you choose to forgive.

"The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget."

• Be accountable.  If you chose to enter into a relationship with someone knowing who they were and they repeated a previous negative behaviour towards you then be accountable.  There was a good chance they would likely be a repeat offender, only this time with you as the next victim.

The Aramaic word for "forgive" means literally to "untie."

Realize that NOT forgiving someone does not cause them any pain.  It does not hurt them one tiny bit.  (Read that sentence again.) The only person it hurts is the one holding onto the pain (yes that would be you) (Read that sentence again too)

To hold onto the anger and the pain allows the person who caused you pain to be in control. While they may be long gone out of your life (or not) the person you refuse to forgive hold you emotionally hostage until you let go.  The emotional baggage that clings to you only serves to prevent you from being who you say you really want to be.  Are you fed up being held hostage yet?

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." - Lewis B. Smedes

Are you ready to Forgive?  It's your choice and only you can make that choice. If you are ready to take action to forgive then click here .